My husband Dustin and I got married in a whirlwind, but not without asking the important questions. We both knew that foster care was something we were interested in and would be something we looked into after getting married. We debated applying earlier into our marriage but I ended up getting a job I was happy with and we decided to put it off. Then we started trying for a biological child. We had one, Atlas. He was amazing for the two and a half days we got to keep him. After he passed away we discussed over and over if we ever wanted to do kids again. We quickly decided that we had no interest in trying again for a biological kid. Too much trauma associated and we did not want to risk the same thing happening to another babe. We have a 25% chance of passing MCADD onto another child, and while they have the opportunity to be okay I am still not at a place where I can stomach that. Not to mention my pregnancy was actually trash. Hyperemesis Gravidarum, Bells Palsy, Postpartum Preeclampsia AND a dead baby. I think I will pass on that in the future.

So much of us wondered how we would ever be able to parent again. To trust ourselves, to trust God, to trust humanity. I will say, this portion of it still is not easy in any way. But, we knew we had love to give. We had felt what it was like to love a child of our own and we knew we could not live without doing it again. So exploring other options we hopped back to the idea of fostering. The number of kids in the foster care system is devastating. The way the kids have been treated in and out of foster care is even worse. Yes, we were scared of having to say goodbye to more children we were sure to fall in love with. We were also hurt by the fact that we would have been great parents and we didn’t get to keep our child on Earth, but all of these shitty parents get second chance after second chance. All of these in mind we wanted to do it. With my background in human development and Dustin’s ability to deal with extremely taxing situations, I felt like the two of us could be a good team to combat these kiddos laced with trauma. They needed us so we were coming. We figured the worst that could happen is we decide we couldn’t do it or that it was too hard. It is not an easy process. You are treated like criminals and the communication is mediocre at best. Our licensing process actually went a lot quicker than most because I was always one step ahead. It is countless hours of paperwork and training and waiting. There are so many times that we just got mad and wanted to give up. The requirements of foster parents vs. the requirements of parents to have their kids returned to them are absolutely insane. We started and stopped our application a few different times, taking the time that we needed to grieve and heal, not only our own loss but the losses of the children we might soon be caring for.

Heal is such a complicated word. Losing a child is something you absolutely never fully heal from. However, there are some aspects of repairing these pieces that I felt could only be done by being a mom again. I needed to face my fears. So we did! 13 months after Atlas passed away we were licensed foster parents and waiting (not so patiently) for our first call. When I say “not patient” I mean it. I was THE WORST. I was probably so unpleasant to live with. Those weeks felt like years. My mind was brought back to how it felt to be meant to have a child but they aren’t there, the way I felt every day after Atlas passed. I stooped back into some major depression and watched an embarrassing amount of Netflix. I was so close to being a mom and I wanted it soooooo badly. Of course I did not want a child to come into care, but I knew that they were and I didn’t understand why I wasn’t being called. Dustin kept my feet on the ground and indulged me in my sadness, bless him.

Well the call did finally come. And unfortunately we did not end up with the first child we said we would take. However, everything happened for a reason because my amazing lovie was the next call. Dustin and I had actually made a bet about what we thought we would end up with and I said 3 year old girl. That was exactly what we got, and boy is she amazing. Every day we laugh at the funny things she says, brainstorm ways to address her traumas and talk about how badly we want to adopt this little. Of course we know, this may not happen. As sad as it is, we do have to believe that reunification is best for the child. For now, we are just enjoying our time with her and being reminded that we were meant to be parents! We absolutely rock at it (most of the time). Dustin is the most loving, patient and understanding man I have ever met. Watching him with our little girl is a magical experience and I learn from him every day. I do my best work in the getting things done, creating plans department. I am on Pinterest daily coming up with the next craft project, the next meal plan, the next schedule and the next learning activity. Of course, I also specialize in cuddles and lucky for me so does my girl.

So that my friends, is the overview of how we became foster parents. We love it, but it definitely has its ups and downs (post on that to come later). Feel free to ask any questions about the process, I would be happy to answer!

xoxo-

Anne